Following the presentation, we suggest two books that address the topic of boundaries in human relationships.The concept of boundaries, vitally important to living a successful life, is curiously under researched by psychologists.First, the level-1 values for physical touch continue (affectionate embrace or touch) and extend a little by allowing a kiss, but stops short of anything more.
Lets discuss the values that this particular person has set up.
We have already established that which boundaries are set is not as important as the fact that boundaries are set and adhered to.
She identifies for herself the purpose of a “date”.
The date to her is friendly time spent with an opposite sexed person in which there is some possibility of a romantic relationship growing. A lunch or movie with someone without any romantic possibility (family member, girl friend, casual opposite sex friend) is simply not a “date” in this context.
Gothard preached conservative Christian values, but even if one did not agree with those values, he expressed a useful definition of the word “defrauding”.
Defrauding, he said is: “Arousal of sensual desire that cannot be righteously fulfilled.” Even to someone not adhering to Gothard’s value system, there is solid common sense in his words.
It did not make it into and the evidence of research psychology is that the ability to set boundaries and adhere to them, particularly where strong emotions are involved, represents the foundation for success in many areas.
However, the time to draw such boundaries is long before events that enflame emotions take place.
In the case of our hypothetical 20-year old (let’s call her Amanda), we see a clear set of boundaries that are probably more conservative than average. In non-dating relationships I will touch or embrace others in a way that expresses pleasure in their company, affection, or comfort.
Never will physical contact suggest or imply sexual intent.
What boundaries they establish may differ from profession to profession, but, if they wish success they will adhere to boundaries that enable their success.