I have been glued to your site for days (hubby is out of town on business) and would really like to spill to someone who won't judge me. My mother and father have each been married to and divorced from 5 different people, which I think shows that their beliefs on strong southern women are way off.I have never spoken to anyone about this, except my hubby. Just to give you perspective on how binding I thought marriage's were: As the preacher was saying "Till Death Do You Part" I was thinking "Or until I file for divorce".
We had a lot of growing up to do, and began growing apart.
When the kids were born I became a stay at home 'super-mom'. Even though I loved my privilege to keep my kids home, my husband's 'you sit at home all day' attitude left me feeling devalued. morning Bible classes at our Church, teaching Sunday School and VBS (and basically surrounding myself in the Word) I started understanding that I wasn't the 'glue' that held us together after all, but rather the fire that weakened the glue.
I felt really bad, like I had let him down, but I wasn't really sure how. He called from the car just minutes after leaving and told me I was to be in our room, pants off, when he came home. The pit of my stomach dropped when he said, "you know your doctor said not to walk anywhere without your boot-cast on your leg unless you were on crutches, you could have broken that fractured bone". I have fractured that same bone .) I quickly put my boot-cast on and busied myself in tidying up the house, and then I took a shower.
I was trying to calm down because at this point I knew there wasn't going to be any playfulness involved.
Plus I have a very strong belief in the mother's basic animalistic right to protect her young in all that could harm them, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
We have been members of a very conservative church since my husband was baptized several years ago.I have NEVER entered into a forum and I'm not sure how my current confusion would benefit anyone on a public forum.That said, I feel comfortable coming to you because you seem very wise and non-judgmental. And my family believes Southern women are to be tough, 'give as much as you take', 'and raise cane doing it' type of people.We became verbally abusive to each other, and I dropped the 'D' Bomb in EVERY fight. Despite this, I still noticed myself at times being blatantly disrespectful, both at home and in public.This attitude didn't change until a few years ago when a good friend pointed out to me, in a very lovingly blunt way, that if I divorced my husband, in God's eyes, I would be committing adultery with any future husbands. I felt miserable every time because I was continuously failing in my convictions.I do not make it a habit to leave my kids alone even to ride the line but they are not young children and they knew all they had to do was come yell for me from the drive and I would be back.